She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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