Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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