I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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