i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize