I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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