who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
is it fun? or sober?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
