How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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