I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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