i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
