Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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