guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
