ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
