I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
