Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
