I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
