id be glad to
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
