dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
