who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
