so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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