It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
