see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize