well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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