I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
