I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
