final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
