This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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