She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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