do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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