i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
