True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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