I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
