I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
