oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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