She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
