Got a toothbrush?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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