Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
