I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
