Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
