so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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