No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
bring money and cleavage
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
