i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
