Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
