Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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