I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
