im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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