This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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