The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
