Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
