I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
