you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
