this beer tastes like vomit already
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
