They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
