So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
