So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
