No stitches, just platelets and will power
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
