My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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