After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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