nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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