Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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