Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
