plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
