That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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