I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
