look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
