I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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