is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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