im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
