oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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