If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
