so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
