dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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