And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
