We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
