dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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