THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
