She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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