so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize