Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
