Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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