Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
