At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
