I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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