Dude my mom stole all your condoms
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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