Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
