Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
