You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
