If i come over, it means nothing
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
