dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
