Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize