The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
