There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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