I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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