If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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