You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
