Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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