this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
