Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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