God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
