i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize