I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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