And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
